:)

i don't know how things have changed so drastically. and with everything that i've gone through lately, i found the new me. the one that keep things more to myself. the one that talk less. i could feel the changes in me. i've got no idea of what's going on in me. i don't know whether things are going right or not. and i don't know whether i made things around me easier or not. because what i could do right now is just following the flow of my life messily. i want to live like before. but i found no way how to bring everything like it was before. sometimes i feel myself smiling. sometimes i see myself so incomplete. it feels like everything's start to fall apart. those things running in my mind and i don't even know what should i call them making me feel so unreal. i miss the old me. the one with the smile on the face every second. the who always think that problems is not problems. the one that let the problems disappeared by themselves. the one that laugh happily even when her heart is frowning. i'm so weak this time. and i know i never been strong enough. but i'm all weaker than before. i get trapped with my own crazy feeling. i'm starting to get tired of caring. because i afraid it doesn't worth it. the more i'm starting to care, the more i'm afraid of losing. but now i know, i could bear with all those things. now, everything i feel, i bottled them up in myself. i ignore what i feel. it's not that i'm strong enough to do so. but i'm just trying to keep people stay with me without bothering them with my shits. i'm happy. but somehow, it's really killing me to see myself this way. :'(